Well, my hope is gone.
A is seeing someone else...already. Stupid fucking facebook can go to hell and take all the lame ass pictures with it.
To me that says stop hoping that he will change his mind. It's hard to do so, but I am trying.
I am waffling from being mad, upset and still hoping that he is just making a huge mistake. But the pictures that I spied yesterday on his facebook say otherwise. he looks so happy with her, and to top it off she is gorgeous.
Part of me really hope all of this has a huge negative impact on him... part of me hopes that he will loose the position he wanted over fraternizing with a course member, that same part of me hopes that she breaks his heart into a million pieces just like he broke mine. And that his parents hate her... they wont, they are such amazing people, but right now I wish they would.
The other part of me wants him to be happy...but that is the same part of me that still hopes he will come to his senses...so I'm not listening to that part right now.
I guess right now I just have to go this on my own. Make decisions for me, and not worry about how they effect anyone else, for once maybe I can learn to be just a little selfish and do what I want to do...without worrying about how someone else might be effected.
It sucks, I don't know how to go about doing any of this. I don't know if I can be that person who can go this road on her own. I don't know if I am strong enough to make decisions based on my needs alone; but I guess I wasn't really given a choice in that matter. Maybe now I'll learn to guard my heart a little better, and I wont be so trusting; that whole innocent until proven guilty thing I had going apparently just isn't working for me.
Trying to pick up the pieces,
- Stiletto
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Things I wanted to say last night but was in to much shock to verbalize plus new things that I hope help.
ReplyDelete1. I am so sorry
2. I wish your pain wasn't there
3. He is an asshole
4. I know you are going to get through this
5. You are strong.
6. Nothing wrong with being selfish... Remember Samantha in SATC the relationship with yourself is very important, and lately yours has faltered.
7. A man shouldn't define your life.
8. Only allow positive forces in your life right now. I will try very hard to be one of them!
9. Negative thoughts and negative people can screw off! Tell them so!
10. I love you dearly.
11. this one is hard... I want to say don't guard your heart and let love in at the same time.... hmm... I guess the best I can say is take your time, love doesn't happen over night.
I have more but they might be redundant, and I am not going to go there.