Fear for the unknown and anger at the ignorant...

I'm getting cranky.

Lying here in my bed, unable to sleep, yet again.

All I have been thinking about lately is the doubt and the nay-saying that seems to be popping up everywhere I turn. I read a blog post by L and a few by E... and they moved me.

Their words were so accurate and yet I was able to twist it a little into how the stuff that they are currently dealing with, stuff that I have been through with A, into how it is effecting me and my life right now. I know, it sounds a little selfish; but that's not what I am going for here. I feel for them, and every other MG or serving person out there. It is a shitty life, full of fears, pain, anger, disappointment and hurt. But there is an upside in it as well, something that only those who have been a part of this life will ever see.

The upside to this life, I hope, will never cease to amaze me. It is the bond that is automatic between perfect strangers going through the same things; its how much more you appreciate your partner, how much more the little things count and the trivial things don't... Its appreciating a phone call in the middle of the night and learning that sometimes the best words ever aren't "I love you" sometimes the best words that you can here are "I'm okay" or even more simply "Hi"

I look at L and E and I see 2 of the strongest women out there...and they don't even know there own strength some days. And it angers me that they, along with many others, are having their strength questioned by people that have no right to question it... and even worse yet, having it questioned by people that should understand as they are going through it too.

To all the SO's of a military person out there...If you have been through a deployment, a tasking or any sort of training; reach down and share your experience with someone who is scared and just starting their first. And for those of you who haven't, snide remarks are not appreciated; you too will one day suffer one of these, and when that time comes; the people that you were being snide to will have a choice to help you through it or not... and regardless of whether you have or not: Don't judge how someone else is handling the situation... you don't know what else is going on in their lives; and it is different for everyone.

Now with that being said I need to do another little rant here... Sometimes in life, we need to learn to keep our fucking mouths shut. I know, that this is a hard concept for most, but lets all pass that message on.

I am tired of being looked at like I have grown an extra head when I tell people what I want to do with my life... Yes, I am aware that not everyone will support my decision. But please, please stop making the faces, and stop with the negative comments, I don't need them, MG's don't need them, and serving members don't need them either...

Seriously, if you need to make a face, make it elsewhere. If you need to add in your 2 cents about how you know someone, who knows someone who knows someones cousin and he went over to the sandbox... and he came back all crazy and that I should be worried about how I am going to be effected "when I shoot a little kid..." maybe that is a comment best left un-said. The guy that you don't know who went over, he probably had to see a lot of crap while he was there, you would come back changed as well... however, if you didn't know him before, do you really know if he is crazy now... or are you just speculating along with everyone else? And yes, I am aware that sometimes, I may end up having to do something that I really don't want to do; but if it was between you saving not only yourself but many other people and having to pull a trigger... what would you do?

I am normally a very "yay!! you have an opinion type person" I know many peoples opinions on this war, and their political opinions on what Canada should do about it... I have my opinions on it. However; there is a fine line between stating your opinion and trying to force it down every ones throat. And with that, when you have an opinion, please make sure its yours and you can back it up with facts... do not steal someone else's ideals, and then try to debate a serving member or one of their family members on 'your' view of how things should be when you know nothing of what is going on.

Now to answer the burning question that everyone seems to ask... Yes, I am scared, I am scared shitless... and I'll shed some more light on that for everyone as well... I think all SO's and family of serving members are scared... I also think that there is a certain level of fear in every single serving member as well. So yes there is fear. I fear the unknown, just like you do, the only difference is, I am willing to face those fears...

I know that there are people that just need to make sure that everyone knows their opinion on things, but all I am asking is that when dealing with someone who is entrenched in this life... Is to have a little respect and understanding. You may not agree with what is being done. But 9/10 they don't like it much either... But keep in mind they are doing this so you wont have too. I am doing this, so the people I love the most, aren't forced too.

I know that its scary, I know that my impact will probably be small, but I want to look back on my life and know that I did what I could to make this world a little better, a little safer and maybe just a little bit easier for someone else.

/End Rants
- Stiletto