Tear-stained cheeks that wont go away...

Today is a bad day...

I keep thinking about A, about how much I wished things turned out differently, about how much I still love him after everything that has happened.

Today I can't stop thinking that we could have had this amazing life together, and that he gave it all up, and I still don't know what for. I keep thinking that now that he is home I will get some sort of message from him, and yet I know deep down that there won't be a message and that he might not even be home yet, because he is probably with his new girlfriend.

I keep wondering if he cheated on me with her, if he just stopped loving me because I wasn't there, because I wanted communication and that I kept telling him that I missed him. He told me not to hold it all in, but I think he wanted me to anyway. I keep blaming myself in part for not being stronger for not showing him I could do this... He saw a lot of the bad days and not so many good days.

I know it's not my fault, but part of me still thinks that it is. That if I just managed to be a little bit stronger that he would be in my arms right now, not in someone else's. A big part of me still loves him and wants him to come back to me... I know it sounds pathetic, and I know I need to give up on him, because he obviously doesn't love me anymore...maybe he never did. But I don't really care how pathetic I sound right now.

I just want to sit in a little ball and cry for a while, I still feel like I am missing a part of me, and I don't know if that feeling will go away.

wishing the world would just stop for a minute.
- Stiletto