Stupid Push-ups...

I really wish I could do my push-ups so I could apply for the CF right now. I basically have everything else down.
Grip test.... 50kg easy
2.4 K run - can complete in 11min... 45 seconds (superior is >11:56)
Sit-ups - 15 is less than one of my sets for my warm-up so I think I'll be okay on that one.
It's just the damn push-ups.... 1/9, unless I am having a good day, then I can do 3/9.

*SIGH*

Unfortunately for me... I don't seem to be making much progress; and yes, I know it has only been a week or so since I started training, but I am impatient all of a sudden.

It's like I have finally started to live my life for me, and I've made my decision, but I'm not allowed to live life just yet, I have a few more hoops to jump through and I'm afraid that those hoops are going to end up making me forget that I am doing something for me and that it is a good thing.

I think I am just frustrated with myself more than anything, I want so bad to be able to do this right now, and it could be because my birthday is coming up and that I am having a small quarter life crisis, but I am just so tired of waiting. And I am tired of being to weak to do the push-ups.

It seems I'm always waiting on something or someone else's decisions always seem to have an impact on my life, and I am afraid that it is going to hurt me in the long run, that something will happen that makes it impossible to do this.

On the upside I have gotten to see those nicely sculpted and wonderfully tanned abs of D's more and more lately as he is doing part of my work out with me now; he says he finds it challenging :). So he gets all sweaty and then wipes the sweat off with the bottom of his shirt...which inevitably covers his face and uncovers his abs... However; this seems to have an adverse effect on my ability to skip. (I have to skip in-between sets to keep my heart rate up) Its like his shirt has an effect on my legs. His shirt goes up and my legs forget to jump...I am developing some lovely colored bruises on my shins from the skipping rope whipping them.

However the whipping from the skipping rope subsequently knocks me back into reality and I recover before D notices that I was oogling him instead of skipping.... so it all works out I suppose.

Next training date with D - next Tuesday!!! next day in the gym is Saturday.... gotta get those push-ups down good.... here is hoping that I can apply as a birthday present to myself. (And yes, I do realize that it sounds like a lame birthday present)

C'est la vie,
- Stiletto