Perspective from the other side...

Holy emotions Batman.

I am normal a very level headed, fairly unemotional being...or at least I was (after I grew out of the teenage drama stage of life of course).

Now I have found myself in a fit of emotions lately, up to and including a mini-breakdown yesterday. By breakdown I mean, tears, swearing and pondering as to whether or not I could actually do this. (join the military).

Yesterday I felt as if I was regressing.... The sad part was this was all brought on by the realization that I was going to sell my car. I know S, I told you I would sell it to KB (K- Your Brother-In-Law) and I will, it just didn't hit me until yesterday. I know what you are all thinking... 'it's just a car'. And it is just a car, but at the same time, it is so not 'just a car'. That car was my victory, That car was all I had to my name when I left B. In fact it wasn't even in my name, and it wasn't until recently that I was finally able to get B to relinquish and sign it over to me. It was a year and a half long battle to do that to finally get my car as 'mine'...and now I'm just supposed to let it go.

Now I am supposed to start this next phase with nothing...literally. No love interest, no possessions, almost no debt.... nothing. It's hard to know that at 20 I had more than what I do now. Or at least that was my thought process for most of the day yesterday. And then I got home, downed a glass of wine and realized something very important that I hope to hold onto and remember those days in basic where I feel like giving up. I have nothing, possession wise. My material list of possessions is short. What I do have, what I have gained over the past 5 years while I was loosing my material possessions was something waaaaaaaaaaay more important than a car.

What I have now, is a family. No, not the type of family I thought I would have at this time; but one that lifts me up when I need it, one that although they are hurt at times by my decision to join the CF, they are still proud of me, they will still catch me when I start to fall. I have a family that will tell me their hurts and pains and joys, and allow me to help them, console them and rejoice with them.
I have 2 wives; S, my first wife...and L, my military wife. I have my mom, and about 6 other peoples moms as well...each one looking out for me and each other, they are around not only to mother me, but to be the support system for each other. And I have a whole slew of siblings... my biological ones, my MG ones and my in-law ones (whether they are ex in-laws or not doesn't matter). Even S's husbandish K...he is like a big brother; the guy that better take care of S while I am gone; not that I doubt for a second that he wont... but I still have to say it.

Yesterday I felt selfish, for only thinking about myself when I made this decision.... today I feel blessed, to have such an amazing 'family'. One that is willing to stand behind me and not only think that I'm not selfish, but one that also reminds me that they are proud of me for making this decision for me and me alone.

And When I have nothing left to give.... I know I have them to lean on, I know that as long as I remember that...nothing will hold me back.

Thankful for all that I have gained;
- Stiletto