I started this blog in a time of uncertainty, hoping beyond all hope the journaling would allow me to sort through the mass of emotions that I was feeling. It seems, that at times, my emotional turmoil is best left not written about.
What I am saying is that some things; I suppose, I am just not sure I want to share. The fear of judgment is so strong that I don't want to know if people will stop reading my little blog if they find out the truth... that my optimism is just a cover for the pessimist that lays awake all night long.
However, it is my new resolution, if you will, that I blog regardless of how it may be perceived by people. For those that are truly my friends now my pessimistic side and know the drama that I hold so close to my heart. So here is yet another update to catch you up on the life and times of me.
You all know that the sperm donor has been cut out of my life, although he has tried a few times to contact me, things have been pretty tame on that end....though there has been some family drama around it since, nothing major and nothing that isn't easily brushed off. For the most part my family is being pretty respectful about the whole thing.
A and I have had a few conversations, nothing major, mostly A apologizing; wanting to be friends and offering me some much needed support with my newest career choice. Which I have to say is very nice of him; however, I am unsure if I am ready to do the whole friends thing... I still love him despite my poor attempts at moving on.
Moving on?!?!?!.... I know, I've tried....it hasn't really gone over well; actually that's a bit of an understatement; my attempts to move on in the man department have gone over like a tonne of bricks sitting in a concrete bowl trying to float on water. I tend to compare whoever I may be on a date with to A, and while I am doing that the inevitable "what do you want to do with your life?" question arises.... which I answer proudly, "I am in the process of joining the Canadian Forces, I plan on being a medical technician." My beaming response generally receives this wonderful next response... "Oh, so that means your leaving soon and wont be around...." followed by eyes darting around looking for the nearest exit.
Although, on a side note, on one of these occasions where guy did not just go running for the door I did manage to receive my first ever hickey... I was less than impressed by this stellar move and promptly bolted for previously mentioned door.
Ces't la Vie.
Which leads me to the CF, I am supposedly getting a call in early January to find out when I will be leaving... that's right folks I am unofficially accepted.... please hold all applause and congrats until the actually acceptance arrives and I have sworn in. Even writing this I am afraid that there will be a sudden mishap and the CF will change its mind.
Now for the best news of the evening!!! Tomorrow marks the last move of 2009!! YAY!! Now this to many doesn't seem to be exciting I know. However this is move number 4 for 2009 and I will be very ecstatic to have it completed...as you can probably tell by the amount of exclamation marks. I would also like to add, that I have packing my room down to a science, and can now complete said packing in 2 hours with boxes moved into car and labeled.
What else has happened? Hmmm... well my car, will probably not be getting sold. The windshield needs to be replaces, I need the timing belt changed on it before it goes, I just got a tune up done because the check engine light came on 2 days after I had a flat tire and today after I get it back from the dealership (where the tune up was done) I drove out to check on a friends cats (I hate cats) only to find that my front tire has a leak in it.... stupid car. Plus I owe more than it is worth and I don't want to rip someone off.
Anyway that is my life in a nutshell, more to come after the move into the new house. :)
"It's okay to put me on the top of my priority list."
- Stiletto
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
A cause that could use some help....
So I am pimping it out on Facebook and here in my blog. It's not something I normally do, and not something you will see often in my blog but the story touches my heart a little.
Please go to the link and read about this amazing woman who is struggling, donate if you can, and pray for her and her family if you can't. Everything helps.
- Stiletto
http://www.chemoforchristmas.ca/
Please go to the link and read about this amazing woman who is struggling, donate if you can, and pray for her and her family if you can't. Everything helps.
- Stiletto
http://www.chemoforchristmas.ca/
It's been a while...
So much has happened in the past few weeks and I have been attempting to deal with all of the drama, so I haven't written in a while. I feel like I have been neglectful, but at the same time, maybe I'm subconsciously preparing myself for basic...
Anyway here is the update thus far:
CF..Still waiting on the phone call for my medical review, so far everything else has comeback golden!! All my references have been called, my credit check is fine, and my back-check has come back clear. :)
My friends have shipped off to Af'stan and have received their first set of care packages from me!! They are both apparently doing well, although one (G) fell out of a helicopter, lol; he's fine but apparently he has learned that he can perform some sweet ass ninja moves when he falls... Way to go G, hopefully you will get some much needed rest on your upcoming HLTA. :)
Now for the shitty week:
I got laid off from my job on November 23, with a small little severance payment, so I have been out searching for jobs in a jobless market... its not a good thing; but I am trying to stay somewhat positive on that front. Hopefully, I will find something soon; I feel like I am being very very lazy.
The riders lost the Grey Cup, by one measly point and all due to one extra player accidentally being on the field. It was a great game, even if the pre-game events sucked big time. What were the pre-game events you ask? Well; nothing like the partying and tail-gating that should have happened, Instead I spent all of 40 minutes with my biological father... whom we will henceforth refer to as the sperm donor.
The sperm donor showed up in the city to have a chat with me, "to set the record straight" as he says. You see I sent him an email not to long ago, saying that he should really try being a father to myself and my brother instead of asking us how to be a better father to our step-sister. He decided to inform me that he was and always has been a good father to us... If you know my life story well enough, you know that, that is not really the truth...although if you know my life story well enough you know that anything that comes out of the sperm donor's mouth generally tends to err on the side of lying. Anyway, so he showed up and I was guilted into dropping my grey cup plans to take him out or spend time with him during the game... I decided on a pub, somewhere that communication would be limited....
Unfortunately for me Sperm donor has no qualms about starting an argument in the middle of a crowded place. The yelling started about 20 minutes after we got there... until I finally had enough finger pointing in my direction demanding that I listen the Bullshit that was spewing out of his mouth, and got up to leave. I paid our waitress, apologizing for the arguing. Called my brother and asked him to come get his father and take him home. I told the sperm donor that I was done. Sperm donor then followed me out continued to sling more insults and I walked away. All the while telling myself that doing what I wanted to do (Punching the Fucker out) would only get my application revoked from the CF. In most recent messages that I received from him, (until I learned how to block people) he has decided that he is not sorry for the insults he was flinging, just for the fact that he doesn't think I am ready to hear the "truth", and then he threw some more insults in.
So now I have blocked Sperm donors entire family from me, cutting off all communication is the only way to do things as he will get other people to contact me for him, and he needs to know that I mean business, so much business that I am actually looking into changing my last name; I want nothing further to do with him.
Anyway shortly after that A made contact accusing me of being rude and hurting his feelings over my MSN name, I told him that I have had a shitty week and the fact that he thinks I am being rude is the least of my problems, and if he really wanted to know what rude was, he needed to think back to the day he broke up with me and take a look at his actions. He knows how I feel as do all of the 8 people that create my MSN list; and that unless he feels any differently about me than what he said so many months ago, it shouldn't make him feel much of anything.
I know it sounds kind of rude, but I still love A, whether I like it or not...but at that point I couldn't take anymore drama or arguing; so I signed off MSN and haven't heard a peep from him since.
Like I said the drama has been on overload lately and I am looking forward to getting good news in the near future *crosses fingers*
So in the past week I have managed to find myself, jobless, fatherless, grey cup-less and yup...still man-less. :(
Praying for something good soon;
- Stiletto
Anyway here is the update thus far:
CF..Still waiting on the phone call for my medical review, so far everything else has comeback golden!! All my references have been called, my credit check is fine, and my back-check has come back clear. :)
My friends have shipped off to Af'stan and have received their first set of care packages from me!! They are both apparently doing well, although one (G) fell out of a helicopter, lol; he's fine but apparently he has learned that he can perform some sweet ass ninja moves when he falls... Way to go G, hopefully you will get some much needed rest on your upcoming HLTA. :)
Now for the shitty week:
I got laid off from my job on November 23, with a small little severance payment, so I have been out searching for jobs in a jobless market... its not a good thing; but I am trying to stay somewhat positive on that front. Hopefully, I will find something soon; I feel like I am being very very lazy.
The riders lost the Grey Cup, by one measly point and all due to one extra player accidentally being on the field. It was a great game, even if the pre-game events sucked big time. What were the pre-game events you ask? Well; nothing like the partying and tail-gating that should have happened, Instead I spent all of 40 minutes with my biological father... whom we will henceforth refer to as the sperm donor.
The sperm donor showed up in the city to have a chat with me, "to set the record straight" as he says. You see I sent him an email not to long ago, saying that he should really try being a father to myself and my brother instead of asking us how to be a better father to our step-sister. He decided to inform me that he was and always has been a good father to us... If you know my life story well enough, you know that, that is not really the truth...although if you know my life story well enough you know that anything that comes out of the sperm donor's mouth generally tends to err on the side of lying. Anyway, so he showed up and I was guilted into dropping my grey cup plans to take him out or spend time with him during the game... I decided on a pub, somewhere that communication would be limited....
Unfortunately for me Sperm donor has no qualms about starting an argument in the middle of a crowded place. The yelling started about 20 minutes after we got there... until I finally had enough finger pointing in my direction demanding that I listen the Bullshit that was spewing out of his mouth, and got up to leave. I paid our waitress, apologizing for the arguing. Called my brother and asked him to come get his father and take him home. I told the sperm donor that I was done. Sperm donor then followed me out continued to sling more insults and I walked away. All the while telling myself that doing what I wanted to do (Punching the Fucker out) would only get my application revoked from the CF. In most recent messages that I received from him, (until I learned how to block people) he has decided that he is not sorry for the insults he was flinging, just for the fact that he doesn't think I am ready to hear the "truth", and then he threw some more insults in.
So now I have blocked Sperm donors entire family from me, cutting off all communication is the only way to do things as he will get other people to contact me for him, and he needs to know that I mean business, so much business that I am actually looking into changing my last name; I want nothing further to do with him.
Anyway shortly after that A made contact accusing me of being rude and hurting his feelings over my MSN name, I told him that I have had a shitty week and the fact that he thinks I am being rude is the least of my problems, and if he really wanted to know what rude was, he needed to think back to the day he broke up with me and take a look at his actions. He knows how I feel as do all of the 8 people that create my MSN list; and that unless he feels any differently about me than what he said so many months ago, it shouldn't make him feel much of anything.
I know it sounds kind of rude, but I still love A, whether I like it or not...but at that point I couldn't take anymore drama or arguing; so I signed off MSN and haven't heard a peep from him since.
Like I said the drama has been on overload lately and I am looking forward to getting good news in the near future *crosses fingers*
So in the past week I have managed to find myself, jobless, fatherless, grey cup-less and yup...still man-less. :(
Praying for something good soon;
- Stiletto
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
